The post with no name (wait, DAMN IT).

Hey guys,

*Realizes he is talking to no one.*

...

Anyway, just posting because I didn't yesterday. No, it's not because I didn't want to. I resisted because I didn't want to spam updates all the time. But today is a new day so I am free to write again.

I had finished a musical piece for solo guitar yesterday. It is perhaps the first piece I have finished with the blessing of Melissa (though, really, it was more of an "okay" rather than "good job"). This piece, which still has no name but I will simply refer to it as a "Study in Modulation (in F)," reminds me of the songs I hear in a classical guitar book. Like, it's interesting to play and sounds nice, but it's not the kind you'd be humming or thinking about in your head. Melissa said it would fall under some time between late classical/early baroque, which means it's BORING and LIFELESS, but MUSICALLY INTERESTING and SOUNDS LIKE IT'S IN TUNE.

In any case, you guys can listen to it if you want, just drop me an IM. It doesn't sound like it has any feeling in it; like I don't feel connected to it, emotionally. But I am proud of it nonetheless because of its composition. I am betting that it is mostly correct, structurally. At the least, Melissa's first impression was "YOU HAVE NO INTERESTING PART THAT'S REPEATABLE" rather than "YOUR MUSIC IS SO BAD MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND MUSIC THEORY?! OH GOD!! OF COURSE YOU DON'T!!"

In the aftermath of its completion, I also stumbled across a composition forum. I had been looking for one for some time so I could share and listen to other people's music. That being said, just about every single one of them is or is going to be a music major. And they all write much more interesting music than me and have so much more background in music. I felt very inspired and humbled at the same time, but had sadly realized that barely anyone composes for single guitar and/or, subsequently, no one is interested in listening to it. There are a lot of woodwind compositions (flute, clarinet, horns, or some combination thereof) and strings. Though I feel discouraged, at the same time, I will stick to it. They had a lesson forum where another forum member acts as a "teacher." I signed up as a student but my first teacher rejected me. I was about to give up right there and then but the reason he gave for rejection was because he simply didn't have enough time. I tried once more, being the stubborn ass I am, and my second one accepted me just a few minutes ago. I am happy and motivated now, but I feel as though my modulation piece isn't something I want to show off. Structurally, it is pretty good I think. Melissa has told me counterpoint is difficult to write in, and for that I am happy (I will explain what I'm talking about in a few minutes). But really, I don't know counterpoint anymore than you do (excluding Melissa and anybody else who plays piano/classical music), so I am just making it up as I go. I compose by ear.

So, first off, to "modulate" is to change things a little. Like to add to something without changing it's core; that's to modulate. It's useful in music because, although repetition of your main melody is good, if you repeat it all the time people will get bored. So that's where modulation comes in. Counterpoint is a musical style where you have two opposite melodies playing at the same time. This is opposed to two melodies where one accompanies (adds to) the other. You can start to understand why it's so difficult: you have to write two melodies that are different from each other but also sound nice when put together.

Well, moving on...

I woke up late for work today. I usually wake up and go back to sleep; that's just how I am. But I often set my phone to wake me up in 15 mins later. You'd think that would cause me to get up or something but it doesn't. I have an amazing capacity to sleep if I lay down long enough. Apparently I forgot to set my alarm to wake me up so I slept for almost another hour. Had to rush off to work. But it's not like I do much at work nowadays, especially this week. People have been coming in to do official testing so there's not much for me to do.

That reminds me, my parents are coming down at the end of the week to visit me. That means I have to clean up and stuff.

We had a guest lecture today, as part of my internship program. Ken, the guest speaker, talked about tactical data links. It really got me motivated about engineering again. For some time I've been uncertain about what my future job will be like. I'd most likely do some form of programming or another, but just what is the question. I will be concentrating in Control Systems and Theory, no doubt (for a while, I was still deciding between that and Machine Intelligence). I can't comment much on what it is, other than what you can get from its name. It has something to do with hardware and software that controls other... things. I feel as though this is the closest to Robotics that UCSD has to offer, short of being completely software-based (like Machine Intelligence). Although I have lost hope that there is any future in developing hardware as an electrical engineer, I believe CST will be at least less software orientated. I like the topic of programming, but I do not wish to solely program my entire life.

The lecture itself was about tactical data links. I admit I was daydreaming half the time about a space simulator game (flight simulator game set in space) but he definitely made it sound as though there'll be a need for CST in the future. Not so much robotics, but automation. Tactical data links are communication links between the field and command. They take the gritty details out in the field and communicate it back to a central command, where they can then respond. The tactical part refers to performing specific tasks. Other term you might hear/associate with tactical is strategic. Strategic is more general, more broad. A strategic maneuver is "taking the coast," while a tactical one is "taking out that command post on the beach." There's a fine line and I was glad I understood what he was talking about. Ironically, I picked up the terminology from video games; from when I was young. I play real-time strategy games, but most of the time they are very tactical. Although there is a strategy element to it (like determining which units to counter the enemy's units), without managing your units in battle, you would still lose even if you technically had the advantage. That's the tactical part, attacking from behind and staying out of the way of the main cannon which could destroy your unit in one hit. That is the difference, I suppose, between squad leaders and generals. One is really down to the details, the other sees the strategic picture.

So tactical data links are important. They allow you to communicate between troops and airplanes and whatever else is out there in order to perform a co-ordinated strike. Connects the fingers to the hands. Sorry for all the analogies.

On another note, I am listening to a song that I had liked a lot when I was, like, 12 or 13 or something. You can listen to it here. You should listen to it before you read on, if you want to at all.

My brother was always joking about the sexual overtones in this song. I always denied it, because I had liked the song but looking back on it now I can see why he mentioned them (if you do too, well, shame on you). At the time, though, I associated it with a very innocent image. Probably because I was still infatuated with Final Fantasy 7 and other RPGs featuring love and whatnot. The only kind of relationship I could think of at the time was a romantic, innocent one. I loved listening to it, because it generated such a powerful image to me. I still do, of course, but my brother's words always plagued me.

Right now I am still at work, talking to Jesemy, who is in Taiwan. Who should be asleep, but is not. During my last quarter of school, I usually slept at 4 or 5am, if I slept at all. The birds come out to sing at roughly that time, and the night is usually so peaceful that I can't help but feel like walking outside. Bev was never really comfortable with walking outside by herself, but as long as I felt like it wasn't deserted, I felt safe. Truth be told, I did not like to walk outside by myself at night either, because most of the time it involved me walking through poorly lit paths, surrounded by either trees or next to dark/deserted buildings. I would be slightly paranoid. I ended up outside at 2 or 3am in the morning a lot because I was at my girlfriend's dorm, who lives 20 mins away from mine. I had made that walk back many times, but I am still no less used to it than when I first walked back.

But when I was down at her place, staying up because either I had homework or she did, I would look outside and just take in the beautiful, empty night. I remembered looking up at the sky once on our way out from a dining hall and just being hit by the amazing starry sky. I had to stop just to look. I don't often see the stars anymore, or have the time to just take it in. The feeling of being so small and insignificant in the world, the universe; it was both very incredible and nostalgic. Because in my time at college, I had forgotten all about space and my dreams of being an astronaut. I so ready to take to studying and working towards being an engineer that I had forgotten.

We stood there for a while, staring up at the sky. For different reasons, I suppose. She was looking at the constellations, pointing out Orion's belt or trying to find the North star. What I saw were gigantic suns in the distance, with planets and moons. I felt like being a part of the universe and not a part of Earth. That the sky was not up and the ground below my feet, but that I was suspended in the medium of space, looking outward at other galaxies.

I don't get that feeling anywhere else. Of being consumed entirely by something. Earth seems so small to me.

That's all for now I suppose.