HI STELLA

HI HI HI HI HI.

I know other people read this too, but just wanted to tell Stella that I KNOW YOU'RE STALKING ME.

It's okay, I am stalking your blog too. :3

I have been listening to Fairy Tale (Tong Hua) by Michael Wong/Guang Liang while sifting through my computer today. I was going through another spring-cleaning phase of my computer when I came across a folder called Marian's music. It was a collection of songs that my friend Marian from choir liked very much, and went through the trouble of creating a CD for me. Although I have not seen or talked to her in a long time, I wish we could've kept in touch. At the time things were different, but even now I wish I had done more for her when we were still together. But time does not flow backwards; what is done has passed and I am left to wonder just how I will ever meet her again. I know she dorms at SJSU now, but exactly where I do not know. I wish I could come and surprise her, but I would actually need to know where she is dorming in order to do that.

For now I guess I am left to reclaim what memories I have. I didn't even remember to do something for her birthday because I was so caught up in my finals and getting my internship paperwork completed. And then there was my idiotic pride in refusing to use facebook as a means of wishing happy birthday. In wanting to do more, I've done even less than I could've.

Okay so there was a break of about half an hour here that you probably didn't notice but... whatever. I have now purchased an album by Rajaton called Sanat which 90% probably don't like and I don't really like half of it but it has some really good songs that I DO like and will probably burn into a CD that hopefully MARIAN will like if I ever SEE her again and so I am now going to bug her on facebook until she tells me her address and then I will take Melissa on the day she is coming back (if she is at all!) to take me to go see her so all three of us can hang out LIKE WE SAID WE WOULD winter break.

*pant*

Speaking of being out of breath, I went jogging again today. I jogged for 15 mins, walked for 15 mins, then jogged back for 15 mins. Except the first and last 10 mins are OF HILLS and UTTERLY INSANE TO JOG. My legs are sore, almost as sore as my last year of badminton conditioning. Almost. I can still bend down to pick stuff up. There is something funny about us humans that I've just noticed today. Even when we are jogging up hill, panting like CRAZY for air because we're so out of freaking shape, we would still hold it in and pretend like we're having a great time, giving our best smiles to other joggers passing us. I saw this girl jogging the opposite direction (but on my side) up the hill I was failing at, and despite needing every millisecond of air we could get, we still managed to suck it up and smile, wasting god knows how many precious seconds of oxygen suckage. Smile at our failness to overcome natural obstacles like hills. I saw her again on the way back. Same thing. I wonder about our intellectual progress sometimes.

Melissa showed me a speech (by someone) about music being necessary to our survival. Poetic. We talked for a while and decided that music, although an essential component to our emotional well-being, is not a necessary component to our survival. Our immediate survival depends on physical needs; food, water, air, shelter. With these we can live in the immediate sense. But something important, at least to humans, is our emotional well-being. For a while, Melissa and I discussed that it isn't important to survival, but I realized that immediate survival and long-term survival are two different things. Because as humans, we have one important control: the decision to end our life willingly. Why do so many people contemplate suicide? Should they not be glad that they are still alive? Our emotional well-being is just as important. Our reason to live! Without it we are just vegetables. And I hate vegetables.

Our reasons to live... I have contemplated in an earlier post that we construct these illusions for ourselves. How well we do that is affected by our emotional well-being. It is a topic I am currently exploring in my story.

Yes, I am trying to write a short story. No, I am not going to tell you much about it. You will have to read it for yourself later. That is all for now. I apologize for the short post, though most of you are probably relieved.

At least there wasn't any religion talk, right Melissa? I bet you're happy.